The Renditioning in the Weight Room

Mr. Cheney passed out a mysterious directive regarding the weight room this morning. It said I needed to do a full body search of anyone whom I might deem "having a proclivity to sneak pictures out of the bunker".

I've never done a full body search in my life, and neither was I about to start. Nobody gets into the Bunker without being fully compromised by either banking irregularites or sexual peccadilloes which have been thoroughly investigated then catalogued by our excellent research department. In short, they've all had a the type of full body search which keeps on searching, so to speak.

The fact of the matter is that we've had some top level Al Quaeda operatives renditioned to the weight room here in the bunker. All Mr. Cheney needs is those dogged Amnesty International guys come up with some pictures of what goes on in the weight room to blow the lid off of not only the Tri-Lateral Commission gym, but of the entire bunker. Since the neither the bunker nor the gym are supposed to exist at all, this would be expecially bad.

But he really needn't worried. We here in the bunker have grown quite fond of the guys sitting in the cages in the weight room. We pet their little heads and we scratch behind their ears and sometimes we even take them out for walks before they get a good stretching on the Nautilus machine provided by the Department of Homeland Security.

Also, I might add, all the Korans in the bunker are guaranteed not flushable.